Get gym-fit fast!

Hate working out? Here’s the least painful way to get the ball-rolling.

You desperately want to get in shape, but you’re too far gone to feel comfortable at a gym. To ready your flabby cadaver for an actual gym routine. Peel off those tear-away pants and bring on the emasculation!

Kick-Start Your Heart
1. Jog. If prescribed walking makes you feel like a senior mall patron, try a jog instead of a stroll. Running on the street or sidewalk can pulverize legs in disuse, so start on grass or gravel. When you begin wheezing, take a cab home and cry yourself to sleep.
2. Climb. Too freezing to motivate for outdoor activity? Make like Rocky and jog up the stairs of your office building or apartment for 20 minutes at a stretch. Going down can tough on knees and shins so walk (or better yet, hop on the damn elevator).

3. Ride. Delicate ankles? Brush the cobwebs off your Huffy and cruise on flat, even terrain at a pace you can sustain for 30 minutes. Riding a bike will get your blood flowing without the impact of jogging or walking.

Dust Off Your Muscles
1. Prone Bridge. You’re only as strong as the humping muscles in your abs and lower back. Get on your elbows and toes, hold yourself prone for 10 seconds a shot, then lower it back down.
2. Modified Push-up. A steady diet of modified push ups will prep you for the dreaded bench press. Lower for two counts, rise for two counts, and repeat.

3. Alternating Superman. To prep yourself for classic burners like dead-lifts, lie facedown on your stomach raise your right arm and left leg hold for several seconds lower and repeat on the other side.

Consume Wisely
1. Stick to H2O. Hardcore endurance athletes need a ton of salt and sugar to stay energized, but it’s not like a late-stage push in the Tour de France. Unless you’re working out for more than an hour, you don’t need anything but water to stay hydrated.
2. Fuel Your Body Wisely. There’s a reason marathon runners carbo-load. Consuming carbohydrates during exercise is the best way to replenish your of glycogen, the body’s main fuel source. For sustained energy, try a piece of fruit 20 minutes before you work out.
3. Don’t Fall into Old Patterns. Exercise isn’t a free pass to eat whatever you want, remember that jogging for three miles will only burn off about one slice of pizza. Instead stock up on wheat bagels and low-fat peanut butter and limit yourself to eating pizza three times a week.